1 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:07,966 It's The Muppet Show, with our special guest star, Miss Florence Henderson. 2 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:11,970 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 3 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,894 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 4 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,022 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 5 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:26,359 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 6 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,486 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 7 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,655 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 8 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:34,868 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 9 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,914 Prices are so high, yesterday I bought a pound of hamburger 10 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,958 and had to have a cosigner. 11 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:47,005 ♪ To introduce our guest star ♪ 12 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,923 ♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪ 13 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,384 ♪ So it really makes me happy ♪ 14 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,386 ♪ To introduce to you ♪ 15 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,638 Miss Florence Henderson! 16 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,768 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 17 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,524 ♪ But now let's get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 18 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,777 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 19 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,446 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 20 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:14,657 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 21 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,410 [GONG SOUNDS] 22 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,415 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 23 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:26,336 Now, welcome to the show, and what a fantastic program we have for you tonight. 24 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:29,714 Our guest star is the beautiful and talented Florence Henderson. 25 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,801 Boy, she is really great. But to open the show, 26 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,221 one of the most exciting acrobatic acts in the entire business, 27 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,306 the Bouncing Borsolino Brothers. 28 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,475 They've been bouncing since they were baby boys. 29 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:45,105 In fact, the doctor wasn't sure they were boys until they stopped bouncing. 30 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:50,193 So here they are, all the way from Boston, the Bouncing Borsolino Brothers! Yeah! 31 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,779 [GRUNTING] 32 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,002 El pyramido. The pyramid. 33 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,461 One. 34 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,674 Two. 35 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,220 Three. 36 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,351 Four. 37 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,858 Five. 38 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,490 Six. That's me. 39 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,368 [ALL GRUNTING] 40 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,757 -Why did you do that, Tiny? -I didn't do nothing. 41 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,134 I told you not to get on the top. 42 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:03,641 -Well, they really brought down the house. -Well, at least the stage. Ha-ha-ha! 43 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,270 Nine hundred seventy-five pounds, I told you not to get on the top. 44 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:11,691 -You're a big disappointment, you guys. -Hey, will you guys watch it? Watch it. 45 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:15,528 George? Will you go out there and clean up after the pigs, please? 46 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:19,699 I am sick and tired of cleaning up after them lousy pigs. 47 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,202 Well, George, you can always quit. 48 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:25,372 What? And get out of show business? 49 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:30,293 -George, will you move the body? -All right, I'll move the body. 50 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:31,628 [KERMIT GRUNTS] 51 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,256 I moved the body. 52 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:49,688 -My brother has ghosts in his attic. -Sounds scary. 53 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:53,191 Yeah. He's on the Ten Most Haunted list. 54 00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:00,365 Ladies and gentlemen, we're happy now, truly, 55 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,243 to present a star of stage, screen and television, 56 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,120 the mother of six on The Brady Bunch, 57 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,497 and the mother of her own bunch of four at home. 58 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:12,794 Our guest for the evening, the lovely Miss Florence Henderson. 59 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,676 [UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING] 60 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:28,518 ♪ You might wake up some morning ♪ 61 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:35,608 ♪ To the sound of something Moving past your window in the wind ♪ 62 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,987 ♪ And if you're quick enough to rise ♪ 63 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:46,077 ♪ You'll catch the fleeting glimpse Of someone's fading shadow ♪ 64 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:53,251 ♪ Out on the new horizon ♪ 65 00:04:53,376 --> 00:05:00,383 ♪ You may see the floating motion Of a distant pair of wings ♪ 66 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,887 ♪ And if the sleep has left your ears ♪ 67 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:11,019 ♪ You might hear footsteps Running through an open meadow ♪ 68 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,149 ♪ Don't be concerned ♪ 69 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:19,277 ♪ It will not harm you ♪ 70 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:25,533 ♪ It's only me pursuing Something I'm not sure of ♪ 71 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,536 ♪ Across my dream ♪ 72 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,790 ♪ With nets of wonder ♪ 73 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:38,922 ♪ I chase the bright, elusive Butterfly of love ♪ 74 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:44,469 ♪ You might have heard my footsteps ♪ 75 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:47,430 ♪ Echo softly in the distance ♪ 76 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:51,810 ♪ Through the canyons of your mind ♪ 77 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:55,105 ♪ I might have even called your name ♪ 78 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,817 ♪ As I ran searching after something ♪ 79 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:03,405 ♪ To believe in ♪ 80 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:07,575 ♪ Don't be concerned ♪ 81 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,578 ♪ It will not harm you ♪ 82 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:16,751 ♪ It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of ♪ 83 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,713 ♪ Across my dream ♪ 84 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,966 ♪ With nets of wonder ♪ 85 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:29,222 ♪ I chase the bright, elusive Butterfly of love ♪ 86 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:36,354 ♪ I chase the bright, elusive butterfly ♪ 87 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:44,487 ♪ Of love ♪ 88 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,619 [APPLAUDING] 89 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,166 I told you not to let fatso on the top. 90 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,543 -Don't blame me, I'm only a young pig. -Listen, pigs. 91 00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:02,130 Will you guys get out of here, please? Come on, out! Out! 92 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,548 Move it! Get out of here. 93 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,134 -Out, out, out! -Oh, Kermit. 94 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,012 -You have such a masculine yell. -Oh, yeah. 95 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,305 Is there anything at all, 96 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,932 -anything I can do for you, my dear? -No. 97 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,643 -Because I want to make you happy. -Good. 98 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,772 -When you're happy, the pig is happy. -Wonderful. 99 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,191 Oh, my love! My life! 100 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,567 [GROWLS] 101 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,903 [KERMIT YELPS AND GRUNTS] 102 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:35,163 Forgive me for being so forward, but, ahem, I'm a liberated pig. 103 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,248 -Urgh. -Ta. 104 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,670 It must be my animal musk. 105 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,424 [BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 106 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,598 Two, three, four, two, three... 107 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:58,061 You know, the trouble with kids today is they don't know what they want. 108 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,523 When I was a kid, I never wanted that. 109 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:13,785 -They're just a couple of floor hogs. -Yeah. 110 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,748 I don't know, maybe it's the wine talking. 111 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:22,669 In fact, I'm sure it is, but you're beautiful. 112 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:30,218 Now, tell me the truth. You really don't like dancing with a dog, do you? 113 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:34,973 -What makes you say that? -It's that flea collar you're wearing. 114 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,356 I think we ought to move out of the ghetto 115 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,776 and find ourselves a nice little dump in the suburbs. 116 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,196 Oh, honey, I love you like the plague. 117 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:56,870 Can we take this moment to announce our engagement? 118 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,247 -Yeah, why not? -Oh! 119 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,001 We're engaged! Ha-ha-ha! 120 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,755 I've waited so long! We're engaged! 121 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,174 Florence. 122 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:13,511 -Your eyes are like two limpid pools. -Oh, that's very sweet, Kermit. 123 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:17,557 And when I look into your eyes, I'm spellbound. 124 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,269 And when I look into those eyes I see... I see... 125 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,688 Yes? Come on, tell me what you see. 126 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,648 I see trouble. 127 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:29,027 Hm, hm, hm. Well, well, well. 128 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:32,405 While the pig's away, the frog will play, hm? 129 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:37,202 -Hi, Piggy. -Don't "Hi, Piggy" me, you frog stealer. 130 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,287 Piggy, you have it all wrong there. You see... 131 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,165 -In a pig's eye. -I mean, in a person's eye! 132 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,542 -Yes, you do have it wrong, Piggy. -Oh? 133 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:49,047 Yes, Kermit was just practicing on me what he really wants to say to you. 134 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,715 -What? -Oh. 135 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,425 -You mean it? -No. 136 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,177 Oh, Kermit! 137 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,679 Oh! 138 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,057 My love! My love! My life! 139 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:02,310 Oh, I am like putty in your hands. 140 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,561 Putty! Putty! 141 00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,563 ♪ Cement mixer ♪ 142 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,442 -Nothing. -But... 143 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,986 What happened? What happened? 144 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,447 -Piggy, Piggy, come here a minute. -Yes? 145 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,741 Listen, can I give you a little tip? 146 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:19,452 Oh, no. There's no need for that, I'm well paid. 147 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,579 No, I mean about men. 148 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:25,834 Oh, my dear, I'm sure you know about men. 149 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,086 But, ahem, honey, 150 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,965 make one move toward that frog's bod... 151 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,466 Mmm. 152 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,845 Piggy, Kermit and I are old friends, honest. 153 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:40,640 -You mean there's nothing...? -No, it's just platonic, really. 154 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,392 Oh! Oh! 155 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,103 Oh, thank you so much! Thank you! 156 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,732 Oh, I'm off to find my love. Oh, oh, oh! 157 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,067 She's crazy. 158 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:56,614 -Has she gone? -Yes. She's off to find her love! 159 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,867 I told you never to touch him! 160 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,703 -Hi-yah! -Piggy! Stop it! 161 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,043 [PLAYING UPBEAT CLASSICAL TUNE] 162 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,130 When I was a puppy, I used to enjoy reading about Winnie the Pooh. 163 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:15,425 He's a bear, like Fozzie Bear, but... 164 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,886 Well, not very much like Fozzie Bear. 165 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,429 This is a song he would sing 166 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:23,308 when somebody would say something he didn't quite understand. 167 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:27,270 He could have said, "What?" or "I beg your pardon?" 168 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,814 But Pooh would instead sing this song, 169 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:33,777 which he made up for singing when his brain felt fluffy. 170 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:34,944 Goes like this: 171 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:39,282 ♪ Cottleston, Cottleston Cottleston pie ♪ 172 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:43,912 ♪ A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly ♪ 173 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:48,458 ♪ Ask me a riddle and I reply ♪ 174 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:53,171 ♪ Cottleston, Cottleston Cottleston pie ♪ 175 00:11:57,676 --> 00:12:00,428 Now, this is where the song changes key. 176 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:03,181 What we call a modulation. 177 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,687 That's G sharp minor. 178 00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:13,817 ♪ Cottleston, Cottleston Cottleston pie ♪ 179 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:18,446 ♪ A fish can't whistle and neither can I ♪ 180 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:22,992 ♪ Ask me a riddle and I reply ♪ 181 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,453 ♪ Cottleston, Cottleston ♪ 182 00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:31,334 ♪ Cottleston pie ♪ 183 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:36,339 ♪ Cottleston, Cottleston Cottleston pie ♪ 184 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:40,969 ♪ Why does a chicken? I don't know why ♪ 185 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:45,765 ♪ Ask me a riddle and I reply ♪ 186 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:50,979 ♪ Cottleston, Cottleston Cottleston pie ♪ 187 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,246 [CHATTERING] 188 00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:15,378 Okay. Time once again, friends, to raise the intellectual level of our program, 189 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,381 as our panel discusses questions of lasting importance. 190 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,884 And our guest tonight is Miss Florence Henderson. 191 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:24,137 -Thank you. Good evening, everyone. -Hey, baby. 192 00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:29,434 Okay. And tonight's question is one that has bothered scholars everywhere: 193 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,270 "Was William Shakespeare in fact Bacon?" 194 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:33,646 [GASPS] 195 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,274 Is this some kind of bad joke? 196 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:40,403 -I don't understand, Piggy. -Bacon, my love, bacon. 197 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,698 -I am tired of these continual pig slurs. -Oh. 198 00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:46,409 -You know, we pigs have feelings too. -Oh, no, no, no. 199 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,578 You see, I meant Francis Bacon. 200 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,791 France's bacon, Italy's bacon, Czechoslovakia's bacon. 201 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,835 Who cares? It's all bad taste. 202 00:13:55,919 --> 00:14:00,924 Oh, no. Bacon tastes good, I had some this morning. Really made a pig of myself! 203 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:02,842 [SCOFFS] 204 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:06,179 That does it! Pigs of the world, unite! 205 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:09,349 Piggy. Please, Piggy. We don't have time for that now. 206 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:13,561 Yeah. Besides, you're always hogging the time. Get it? Hogging? 207 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:17,357 Get this, weirdo. Hi-yah! Hi-yah! 208 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,192 Hi-yah! Hi-yah! 209 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,237 Wait a minute! Hold it, hold it, hold it! Wait a minute! 210 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,115 Piggy, come on. Can we get back to the subject in hand? 211 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,075 -Piggy, please. -[PANTING] I'm sorry. 212 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:30,203 Get back over there. The subject in hand, Florence? 213 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:34,332 -Well, there's no question in my mind. -As to what? 214 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:39,754 Nothing. There's no question in my mind. Ha-ha-ha. No answer either. 215 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,756 We have a saying in my country: 216 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,218 "A woman who laughs at her own jokes seldom has branches on her shoetrees." 217 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,846 That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 218 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,766 -So don't visit our country. -Please. The topic is... The topic is: 219 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:52,851 [CHATTERING] 220 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:56,146 "Were Shakespeare's works actually written by Francis Bacon?" 221 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,647 All right, all right. Listen. 222 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:01,484 We've been listening off-stage and we've had enough of this garbage about bacon. 223 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,362 Right. We pigs are true artists. 224 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,990 Miss Henderson, would you like to see our acrobatic act? 225 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,241 Yes, I'd love to. 226 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:11,244 KERMIT: No, no, you don't want to see the acrobatic act. 227 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,495 And one, and... 228 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:16,374 -[IN UNISON] Whoa, whoa, whoa! -Oh. 229 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,877 It's cute. Cute act. 230 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,755 I'm sorry about that, Miss Henderson, but... 231 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,508 Listen, we'll be back next week with another vital question for our panel: 232 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,012 "Do attack dogs make good house pets?" 233 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,264 [YELLING] 234 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,522 Wake me when the show starts. 235 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,901 -It's already been on a while. -Oh. 236 00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,779 Wake me when it's over. 237 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,239 [CHATTERING] 238 00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:52,827 We got to get organized down here. Will somebody tell those pigs to knock it off? 239 00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,204 Knock it off! 240 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,164 -Knock it off! -Knock it off! 241 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,291 Now, will we knock off the knocking-it-offs? 242 00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:01,294 -Knock off the knocking-it-offs! -Knock off the knocking-it-offs! 243 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:04,005 -Knock off the knocking-it-offs! -Knock it off! 244 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:09,678 You'll not see any more pigs on this show. If I ever see another pig... 245 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,681 -Oh, Kermit, every time you yell, -Yeesh. 246 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,558 -it sends a shudder through my body. -Wonderful. 247 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:19,729 I tremble with desire and uncontrollable passion. 248 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:26,820 In you I see a seething volcano ready to erupt like Vesuvius and explode... 249 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:32,033 Ahh! We have a show to do! Will you get out of here? Sheesh. 250 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:36,871 -[SNIFFS] He loves me. -I give up. 251 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,082 I knew you would. 252 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,710 [BOTH YELLING] 253 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,593 Okay, here he comes again now, folks. 254 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,972 So stand by, sit tight, hold on and fasten your seatbelts. 255 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,391 The Muppet Show's own furry funnyman, 256 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,852 here he is, Mr. Fozzie Bear! 257 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:02,105 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 258 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:05,608 Okay, gang. Grab your shoes and grab your socks. 259 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:07,861 Here come the jokes, here come the yocks. 260 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:11,364 Now, tonight I'm gonna try and put something new in my act. 261 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,867 -Yeah. Like comedy, maybe. -Heh, heh. 262 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:16,745 Hey, look, guys, I paid a lot of money for this new act 263 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,788 and I want to see if it's good, okay? 264 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:23,376 -Could it possibly be good? -Could it possibly be worse? 265 00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:26,755 Ah! Okay, now, tonight I will do impressions 266 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,883 of great movie actors from great movies. 267 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,760 -Great! Wonderful! -Love them! 268 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,011 Okay, okay. 269 00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:37,640 First, ahem, Humphrey Bogart from Casablanca. 270 00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,981 Play it again, Sam. 271 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:47,275 Okay, okay, okay. 272 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,488 Now, next is Jimmy Cagney from Mister Roberts. 273 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,534 Who took my palm tree? 274 00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:01,373 Okay, next, Cary Grant from all his movies. 275 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:06,169 Judy, Judy, Judy. 276 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:10,090 Listen, all your impressions sound the same. 277 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:13,301 I can't help that. They were all written by the same writer. 278 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:17,555 -He's got a point there. -Yeah, on his head. 279 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,183 Okay, any other impressions? Impressions, huh? 280 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:25,188 Yeah. We'd like to see an impression of a bear leaving a stage. 281 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:29,818 Gotcha. Gotcha. Presenting a bare stage. 282 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,239 Ha. Bare. Get it? I'm a bear. No one on the stage. 283 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:39,077 Oh, I'm terrific. I love me. I'm too good for this show. Oh, boy, oh, boy. 284 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:43,832 -You know, he's getting better. -Yeah, or we're getting worse. 285 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:48,962 Once again, the lovely Miss Florence Henderson. 286 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,007 [MELLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING] 287 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,843 Ah, Florence, I don't quite know how to say this, 288 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,637 but me and a lot of the guys are really fond of you. 289 00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:01,099 Oh, Lizard, that's very flattering. 290 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:05,103 ♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪ 291 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:08,148 ♪ I think about you day and night ♪ 292 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:13,987 ♪ It's only right to think about The girl you love and hold her tight ♪ 293 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:18,533 ♪ So happy together ♪ 294 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:22,412 ♪ If I should call you up Invest a dime ♪ 295 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:26,750 ♪ And you say you belong to me And ease my mind ♪ 296 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:30,879 ♪ Imagine how the world would be So very fine ♪ 297 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:36,092 ♪ So happy together ♪ 298 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:41,514 ♪ I can't see me loving nobody but you ♪ 299 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:44,809 ♪ For all my life ♪ 300 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:50,023 ♪ When you're with me, baby The skies will be blue ♪ 301 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:53,401 ♪ For all my life ♪ 302 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,404 -♪ Me and you ♪ -♪ And you and me ♪ 303 00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,658 ♪ No matter how they toss the dice It has to be ♪ 304 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:04,788 -♪ The only one for me is you ♪ -♪ And you for me ♪ 305 00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:08,208 ♪ So happy together ♪ 306 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,293 Come on, everybody, sing it! 307 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:15,548 ♪ I can't see me loving nobody but you ♪ 308 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,802 ♪ For all my life ♪ 309 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:24,057 ♪ When you're with me, baby The skies will be blue ♪ 310 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:27,435 ♪ For all my life ♪ 311 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,355 -♪ Me and you ♪ -♪ And you and me ♪ 312 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:34,609 ♪ So happy together ♪ 313 00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:38,947 ♪ So happy together ♪ 314 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:43,076 ♪ Bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah ♪ 315 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:47,580 ♪ So happy together ♪ 316 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,833 ♪ We're happy ♪ 317 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:56,214 ♪ Together ♪ 318 00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:05,223 We didn't have time for Gonzo on the show this week. That's too bad. 319 00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:10,979 Ahem. Well, Romeo, how are you and Miss Henderson getting along, hm? 320 00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:13,982 Piggy, jealousy doesn't become you. 321 00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:17,485 Jealous? Moi? Ha-ha-ha. 322 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:20,739 'Tis to laugh. Ha-ha-ha! 323 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:25,160 I'm just glad that other women find my frog attractive. 324 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:26,411 Your frog? 325 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:31,875 "Piggy," said the frog, trying to couch his next words in the gentlest of terms: 326 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,377 "I am not your frog!" 327 00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:39,632 -Methinks thou doth protest too much. -What? 328 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:43,136 -Shakespeare. -Sounds more like Bacon. 329 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,013 From a ham. 330 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:47,891 [GASPS] 331 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:50,393 How would you like a pork chop? 332 00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:51,770 Hi-yah! 333 00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:54,522 Hi-yah! Hi-yah! 334 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,945 -You always hurt the one you love. -Oh. 335 00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:03,156 Hi-yah! 336 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,035 Oh, Florence. 337 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,205 You know, I could really fall for you. 338 00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:12,582 Oh, Sweetums. 339 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:15,168 Are you serious? 340 00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:20,298 He's serious. 341 00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:25,095 This is Kermit the Frog speaking to you from the planet Koozebane. 342 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,346 There's a hush in the air. 343 00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:30,725 This is the traditional time of courtship of the Koozebanian creatures. 344 00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:33,353 We're waiting now for the male Koozebanian creature 345 00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:35,438 to make the first move. 346 00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:39,192 CREATURE: Hi-yah! 347 00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:42,570 Hark! That may be him now. 348 00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:45,949 Hi-yah! Wang, wang, wang! 349 00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,621 Wonk, wonk! 350 00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:55,083 Now, that is the "wonk wonk" signal to the female creature. 351 00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:58,253 Let's see if she makes the traditional response. 352 00:22:58,336 --> 00:23:00,839 [SCREECHING] 353 00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:06,845 Yeah, that is the traditional response to the wonk wonk. 354 00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:14,853 Ah, there she is, and what a beauty. 355 00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:17,689 Now the tender ritual begins. 356 00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:25,739 Watch as the male makes the first overture to the female, known as the "hargee." 357 00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:27,949 Hargee! 358 00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:30,243 Hargee! 359 00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:33,538 Hargee! 360 00:23:33,621 --> 00:23:36,499 [SHRIEKING] 361 00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:41,629 I believe she likes him. 362 00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:43,715 Hi-yoo! 363 00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:45,925 Hi-yoo! 364 00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:49,262 Hi-yoo! 365 00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:56,144 Boy, did you see that? That was the signal. 366 00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:59,856 They're going to do the "galley-oh-hoop-hoop." 367 00:24:02,525 --> 00:24:04,152 This should be very exciting. 368 00:24:04,235 --> 00:24:06,196 It's a television first, ladies and gentlemen. 369 00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:09,282 The Koozebanian galley-oh-hoop-hoop. 370 00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:12,786 Watch closely, now. They're going far away. 371 00:24:12,911 --> 00:24:15,622 He's just about to make his turn now. 372 00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:19,542 Hey, you! 373 00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:21,044 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 374 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:27,550 Oh, yoo! 375 00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:30,804 Wow! Stavite! 376 00:24:30,929 --> 00:24:33,431 This is it, ladies and gentlemen, the galley-oh-hoop-hoop. 377 00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:36,059 Galley-oh! 378 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:38,687 Hoop hoop! 379 00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:57,455 Well, there you have it, friends. Once again, love comes to Koozebane. 380 00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:03,670 [APPLAUDING] 381 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:07,007 Okay, well, that's about all the show we have for you tonight. 382 00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:10,093 We want to thank our very special guest, Miss Florence Henderson! 383 00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:12,762 Yay! 384 00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:15,223 Hey, listen. Thank you, Florence, for being our guest. 385 00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:17,100 We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. 386 00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:21,354 Oh, you know I did, Kermit, especially our love scene. 387 00:25:21,438 --> 00:25:24,107 Wire for Miss Henderson. Wire for Miss Henderson. 388 00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:27,110 -Are you Miss Henderson? -You know I am, Fozzie. 389 00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:29,738 There's a wire for you. 390 00:25:30,697 --> 00:25:35,243 Well, that does it, folks. We'll see you all next time on The Muppet Show! 391 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,831 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 392 00:26:14,908 --> 00:26:19,662 -I loved it. -So what? You also loved World War II.